He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
