At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
