Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
