cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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