you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
