just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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