Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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