made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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