somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
