Pappa wants mamma naked
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
