so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
