I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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