Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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