dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
