I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
