just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
