I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
