He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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