Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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