drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
