this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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