Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
