I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
