Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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