the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize