yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
