I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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