i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize