I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
