The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
