you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
