There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
