the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
