Will you blow on my dice?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize