He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
