I wanna bring you to show and tell
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
