I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
