i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
