Porn is love you can see.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
