went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
