my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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