she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
