i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
