Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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