Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
