I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
