When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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