this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
