I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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