i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
