you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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