I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
