Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
