hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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