Swine flu. Run for my life!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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