he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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