my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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