Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
