i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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