Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
