the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
