alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
