oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it because I queefed?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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