never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
