I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize