I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
