bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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