I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
