When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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