Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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