if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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