using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
