She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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