Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
