Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
