just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
