He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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