He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
