only if we run a train.
done.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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