our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize