I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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