good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
