You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think people are normalizing furries
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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